With my life slowing down in many ways, kind of a settling of sorts after several years that felt turbulent, I’ve been thinking about fulfillment and how to navigate contentment and happiness right now. 

There’s been so much space this year both on a personal and societal level to navigate pain, loss, grief, anxiety – and I’ve found myself more than once overwhelmed by it. I’m not negating those feelings because they are the catalyst for seeing and experiencing things differently, rather I’m trying to learn from them. With the past few weeks almost trickling by I’ve been starting my days with play, thinking about gratitude, trying to figure out what I even actually want because I think the past few years has made me feel lost in a number of ways.

Being lost for a period of time is a good thing – you’re forced to swim in waters unfamiliar to you, ebb and flow with the tides, learn new rhythms and you see so much. At some point though (at least in my case), you start to yearn for home, whatever that means for you, and the past year or so has had me feeling that deeply. I’ve been seeking the contentment that routine and slowing down bring, the happiness that comes from living joyfully in the moment and engaging with your values. Much of this year has been a rediscovery of those things.

When I began thinking about this, truthfully, I wasn’t sure what to say about contentment because until recently, I haven’t been particularly content. Creatively I want to do more but haven’t figured out what that “more” is exactly; as a mama, I rarely feel as if I’m doing enough even though I know I do; and in other areas I feel that I’m at an odd spot, stuck in a way. I don’t think I really understood what I wanted out of life until recently because I hadn’t taken the time to slow down and recalibrate – adjust that what I want out of life has shifted in the last several years while I was drifting about and release expectations that have been holding me back from enjoying my life as it is.

Shifting how I think about contentment has lead me to frame it as a way to create routine around the things that I want to incorporate in my life. I’m working on bringing happiness to the everyday routine, intentionally living with joy regardless of days that may feel frustrating, overwhelming or lonely (and I know with covid so many of us are experiencing this in some way right now). It’s been difficult in some ways for me to shift my habits and thoughts to being content and I think for some time it’ll be a true work in progress.

So this week a small successes – happiness was photographing the orange tree in my yard, seeing the light bounce across her leaves and enjoying the crisp morning outside. Enjoying warm sunshine playing on the swings and running around the house just playing with my kids. Drinking my coffee hot and in slowness before rushing off to start the day.

Thanks for reading!